As I reflect upon the past several years, I recognize a common theme, which I have not been able to see clearly until this morning.
Whenever my passion for something gets the better of me, certain areas of my life suffer.
When that happens, I suffer, as do the people around me.
I suppose we all have our limitations. You might be better at knowing yours than I have been at knowing my own.
It is likely I have less ability to manage things in my life than I previously thought. As I look around me, even this morning, I see loads of evidence that I am not managing well some of what I have been given.
I ask myself: what types of activities, mindsets and processes disable my ability to keep certain aspects of my life running? This is what I need to consider.
To run well the race set before me, I need to take inventory of what is going well, celebrate what has been shifted that is now well-stewarded which once was not, and be honest about what is currently falling below my own standards.
To give you a small example, just now when I went to the coffee pot to get the decaf brewing, I noticed what I had not last night before I retired. The tiny kitchen is overrun with items needing immediate attention: boys winter gear & light sabers, dirty dishes, overflowing trash.
The one person who has the duty to care for the dishes can knock that chore out in about 30 minutes (fewer if he can resist the temptation to be distracted). The snowsuits and boy toys can be put away in seconds; trash remedied in moments.
What is at the heart of it all, and the reason I share, is because I know that in the past two days I have been obsessed with what is happening in certain areas of my nation. Putting such intense focus on moment-by-moment news has sucked all the energy out of me for making sure my home is running properly.
Who cares about a well-run home? I do!!! It is the one physical place where I spend almost all of my time, as do these children! It is supposed to be a nurturing place; a place of warmth and of acceptance where love and hope are continually renewed.
In the past days it has been anything but.
I see now how giving almost all of my attention to what is happening nationally impedes my ability to keep these home fires burning. The result? The fruit? The children have been fighting; my husband has barely had a proper meal in days and we have all been sustained on bits of nourishment here and there without any proper oversight from me.
I have also sadly neglected my self, which is the life-long pattern I have spent the past several years learning how to adjust.
As I write this, I can see how ignoring my needs starts the cycle of not giving others what they need and deserve: my time, my love, my EFFORT.
To see that I have not given my self time, love or effort is sobering. Being indifferent towards myself does not bless anyone.
My soul is finite and can only do so much on any given day.
As I continue the journey of learning to live life as a whole person, I continue to need to make changes in order to better execute this life for which I am so exuberant.
While I know it is not the end of the world, it needs to be the end of me doing too much in one area and not enough in others. Physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health matter, no matter what is happening in Washington D.C. or anywhere else in the nation and world.
I am reminded of Kris Ann Hall's words this week: we must focus on our local and state governing bodies in order to affect real change. Similarly, I must turn my focus to making myself and then my home a place of beauty and of peace and of faith in the One who gives us breath. That process begins with my heart, soul, mind and body, which have been VERY busy with matters too far beyond my reach.
Yes, I pray for God's will on the earth, and I agree with Him to make happen here what He would like, and I will continue to intercede where He leads; however I must also put in the work of what He has given me to do...here...today. My realm is that of this little home; tending to its bodies and its needs is my responsibility, as is caring for my own self!
Real transformation begins inside of us, and from that place, rivers of life can flow.
It is time to focus first on what matters most. The 80/20 principle comes to mind, as do so many others. I will now take courage to return to what needs to have my first priority...and then from a place of strength there, will see what is left to give beyond the hearth and home.